so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
