An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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