My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
