I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
