Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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