What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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