We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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