I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
