shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize