those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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