guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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