last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
