Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
