no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
