he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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