You're completely useless in the revolution.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize
