Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
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