Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
