What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Randomize
