dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
