I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
We were destined to go to rehab together
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
