I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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