i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
