R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Randomize
