note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
