I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
