Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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