you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
