I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
