I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
