my text book just quoted the cookie monster
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
