I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
thus making me awesome and them whores
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
