why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
