WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
