Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
