Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
