allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize