It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
