I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
