The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
