Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
