Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
