she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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