Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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