I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
