can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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