I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Can you repeat that, but with context?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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