Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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