Have you finally orgasmed yet?
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
