I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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