I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
