hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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