I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
