so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize