Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Sacagawea was the original milf.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Randomize
