We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
