You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
