1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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