Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Just puked most of my soul out..
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