So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
