how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
