I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
