well I can't set my house on fire every night
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Randomize
