shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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